Life lately is turning me into a lunatic conspiracy theorist. So much news, so little truth, so many sides. Is the fighting real, is this election real, is Kanye real? What do I do with all of these words and confounding feelings of impending doom?

I find myself believing so much…clinging to truths I cannot affirm, and abiding in things in which I find so much false security.

This is so exhausting.

There is no authority here in this place…no standards that aren’t brushed to the wayside. Yet, I believe, believe, believe in all of these practiced speeches and political promises.

I find my heart warming itself on a hearth filled with the trash of misguided trust. When it comes to times like these, sometimes I swear I’ve lost my faith, later finding it glowing faintly under the ash, smoldering in a heat unfelt for so long. It is a shame and shameful to realize the altar by which I’ve knelt.

Inside I understand and rationalize to myself, ‘you have felt the falsehood and what it bears, listen and turn away from the lie that tears the creator from creation’. But I cannot deny the idol of security I seek within.

While there is true goodness to hope for, where does my hope ultimately rest?

Is it a leader? Prosperity? Is it a peace promised by man?

Or is it the God that delivers?

We are to be one nation under the Lord, but that is a day yet to come. As the threshold of the election draws near today, I remind myself the only authority that can be found is in His word, and no Constitution, no leader, no fact-check can do it no supreme court justice.

And speaking of justice, it is coming. It is a justice we all crave. And I know I’m right to heed in fear. The problem is I’m afraid is that I’m fearing the wrong things. That I’m fearing the world and its policies and the comforts it might steal.

The Spirit within is my shelter who I pray, continue to speak truth and be my light. The right to be a Christian and feel right at home is a lie that the enemy speaks, Christ must be my hope alone.

Today I was reading and researching for a word to reconcile my anxiety from all of this. Opening my bible app searching the words ‘be still’ in my lack of memory, by providence was found the last word to this struggle.

“Then they will call me, but I won’t answer;

they will search for me, but won’t find me.

Because they hated knowledge,

didn’t choose to fear the LORD,

were not interested in my counsel,

and rejected all my correction,

they will eat the fruit of their ways

and be glutted with their own schemes.

For the turning away of the inexperienced will kill them,

and the complacency of fools will destroy them.

But whoever listens to me will live securely

and be free from the fear of danger.”

Proverbs 1:28-‬33

Pray with me friends, that his knowledge and truth is loud on our tongues. We are free from the fear of danger if we are indeed in Christ. Thankful today for these words soberly spoken. A faithful reminder that my sinful methods of comfort would be my end, but I can rejoice that I am free to live securely in the wakeful fear of God and no other. Good God, you are.

Continue to show me where I fall short, that I may worship Christ more in his abundance of covering grace.